I have never been the most confident or outgoing person; in fact for the most part I'm pretty quiet and reserved. This, although not necessarily a bad thing, does make stepping out of my little 'comfort zone' bubble hard. I often over think situations, worry about small details in excess and generally try to avoid situations that make me feel uncomfortable: phone calls; interviews; meeting new people.
I think university was the first step outside of my comfort bubble. I was fine at first; if anything I was having trouble understanding why my friends and peers around me were nervous for their impending university adventure. It only hit me as we drove onto the university campus on my first day there and I suddenly realised that I was going to have to do things on my own; encounter new experiences with new people who I had never met before.
That scared me.
The thing about being scared, I have come to realise, is that it's often irrational. But still in the forefront of my mind these irrational fears are constantly popping up and there's nothing I can do to stop it other than to confront it.
And I did. I bid my parents goodbye and have spent the last year and a half making new friends, learning and slowly becoming more confident.
Despite my growing confidence small, niggly issues still etch their way into my head whether it be exams; phone calls or job interviews. It's silly really because there is no "worst case scenario" for a phone call and the worst that can happen in an interview is that you don't get the job. There's nothing to truly be scared of yet still, somehow I am.
All the people in the world could tell me "it's going to be okay" at any one time but the chances of that, a) calming me down and b) making me feel confident about the situation, are none.
Most people around me have grown accustomed to my nervous ways; they'll make phone calls for me or be the first one to speak when meeting someone new. It's got to stop at some point though.
The last week and a half has caused me to take a jump out of my little bubble and fall with a crash to the ground on the outside. Doing jury service isn't anything you can put off; you can't take a friend or family member with you; and you can't wriggle out of it. Perhaps it came because I needed that push out of my own comfy little world.
Everything happens for a reason after all.
Either way it's happened and honestly, has been one of the most rewarding, interesting and satisfying experiences of my life. Over the last week or so I've noticed a change in my attitude towards things; it is more of an I can mindset rather than I can't.
Yeah, I'm going to be irrationally scared again in my lifetime; probably one hundred times. And yeah, if you try to tell me it'll be fine I still won't believe you. But, nestled down somewhere at the back of my mind I'll think of the last two weeks, of starting university and my first job interview. They all turned out to be pretty alright really so why can't other things?
Stepping out of your comfort zone is hard and, if you're anything like me, you'll probably work yourself up into a tizz about mundane things and I'm pretty sure that's okay. Just make sure you do seize the opportunity because who knows; it just might be one of the greatest things you ever do.
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I kinda went through the same phase a couple of weeks back, and I totally understand what you're saying!
ReplyDeleteI don't remember where the quote is from, but it goes along the lines of you only regret the things you didn't do.
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